Don't you send me to vm
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
