I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
