very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
