We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
