I can tuck mytits in my pants
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
