I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
