Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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