I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
