two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
