Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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