Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
