Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
