You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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