He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
