Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark

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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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(519): View more from Ontario

all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"

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(+27): View more from South Africa

My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

What happened to him?

(1-501): View more from Arkansas

He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum

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(720): View more from Colorado

He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes

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(480): View more from Arizona

She's not answering my calls

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Well it sounds like you really fucked up

(480): View more from Arizona

WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES

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