Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
