another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
