Already got asked if we're dating
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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