Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
