I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
