ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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