Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
