I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
