I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's when you crack a 10am beer
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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