Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
