Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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