yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
