there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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