summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
