my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
