So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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