keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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