More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
