I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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