so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
