she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
