I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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