I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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