someone owes me an orgasm
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
