I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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