His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
