I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
