Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
