It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
