We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
