these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Farmville is her only friend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
