i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
