it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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