whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
