I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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