I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
