Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
