So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
