halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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